Struggling to Stop Drinking? What Michelle Heaton Learned About Recovery

In the first episode of Believe in People Extra, our new spin off miniseries, Michelle Heaton speaks openly about what it feels like to want to stop drinking and not be able to.

She explains the medical dangers she didn’t understand, the shame that kept her stuck, and why addiction isn’t about a lack of willpower. Michelle shares the moment that changed everything: seeing someone else in recovery who had what she wanted - and realising she didn’t have to do this alone.

This short episode explores:

• Why stopping alcohol suddenly can be unsafe
• How peer support works when willpower doesn’t
• Why rehab helped, but free AA and CA meetings keep her sober

If you’re thinking about recovery, supporting someone else, or searching for a place to start, this clip may help you take the next step.

To listen to the episode in full 

https://open.spotify.com/episode/1THTnfwpdcL22CaDFTkvNm

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This podcast is a toolkit for recovery & resilience. Whether you’re in recovery or seeking to understand addiction, there’s something here for everyone.

If you want to change your direction, grow as a person, and live life to its full potential, Change Grow Live is here to help you. We’re here for you if you need help with challenges including drugs or alcohol, trouble with housing, domestic abuse, or your mental and physical wellbeing. Change Grow Live services are free and confidential. Click the link below to refer yourself to your local service.

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📩 Podcast Contact: robbie@believeinpeoplepodcast.com
🎵 Music: “Jonathan Tortoise” by Christopher Tait (Belle Ghoul / Electric Six)

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Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome And Series Purpose

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

This is a renewed original recording. Hello and welcome to Believe in People Extra, the companion miniseries to our award-winning podcast about all things addiction, recovery, and stigma. I'm Robbie Lawson, the show's producer, and each week I'll bring you highlights, exclusive recordings, extended cuts, and powerful moments from our archive. This series brings together the most impactful conversations and recovery-focused insights, condensed into short episodes to support and inspire those on their journey. In this clip, Emmy and Brit award-winning Michelle Heaton talks openly about the confusion and shame of addiction, the medical dangers she didn't understand, and the moments when she didn't want to wake up. She also shares the point where everything began to shift and realised she didn't have to face this alone. Michelle talks about the 12-step programme, her time in rehab, and the free alcohol and cocaine anonymous groups that now support her recovery. If this is the first time you're thinking about recovery or you're looking for something that might help, this short clip may give you a place to start.

SPEAKER_02: 0:53

The one thing I suppose I'm interested to hear, what was what was what was your rock bottom moment where you thought, right, I need help? When did you recognise it?

SPEAKER_00: 1:02

When was the moment where Well my the moment I recognised that I wanted help was not my rock bottom, I would say. I'd say I had had worse. But that moment in time I had had I had a lot of rock bottoms. I was in and out of hospital. I got sacked from Panto because I was found on the floor in my dressing room, and they found substance and alcohol in my room. And that that was that should have been enough to wake me up to stop. But after a 24 hour stint in the hospital and getting fluids, you know, inside of me, I then went straight and bought more vodka. And and I couldn't recognise that that was wrong. It was like I just had to drink, I just had to have the alcohol. There's no there was no reason reason. It's absolute insanity. You know, this is a mental illness, it's a disease of the mind and body. Once I take the first drink, I get addicted and I need more. That should have been my rock bottom, but it wasn't. I'd say there was another five months after that, four or five months after that, before I asked for help, I was able to go into rehab. So it was just that one moment where I saw somebody else had what I want. That was the key. The key was seeing somebody else clean and sober who I knew had struggles, that's what I wanted. And that's what changed.

SPEAKER_02: 2:29

I think that's the importance of peer support and you know, people like yourself sharing your story because that's where the inspiration will come from for people. I think I just want to go back to when you said for for some people doing the pant, going into hospital, coming out and grabbing vodka. To some people that sounds absolutely disgusting.

SPEAKER_00: 2:46

Oh, it's insane. It's absolutely disgusting.

SPEAKER_02: 2:49

I think the thing with this is when people don't understand addiction, they say, oh, it's just a case of it's it's a case of um low willpower or a lack of willpower. What would you say to that? Because there is a stigma when people don't understand addiction. But people think, oh, if you why don't you just stop? And obviously there's the medical reasons why you can't just stop when you're called dependence.

SPEAKER_00: 3:06

Which I didn't had no idea about, you know. You know, it's a good question because I also thought that of myself. I'm I'm disgusting. Why can't I stop? I need to say no. I would try to say no, I would try not to drink. I would I would inevitably be iller, I'd be sicker, I'd feel more rough when I wasn't drinking than when I was, because that's that's how I self-medicated my body with alcohol. The only time I felt reasonably okay was when I was drinking. And you just mentioned because you can't the amount of drink I was taking in, if I stopped straight away, that that could lead to my life being taken away as well. But I didn't know that time. So for me, whenever I felt rough because I was trying to stop, I had to drink to keep myself going, and I didn't know what was going on, and it is insane. And you know, when you want to stop and you can't, you you get scared, and I didn't know what I suffered from still. Um, I just I just know I knew nothing else other than to just keep doing what I was doing, and there were there was a good few times where I was so upset that I was drinking and using while I'm drinking and using that I was disgusted with myself and I would pray to God, a God, to help me either die or stop. I just didn't want to I didn't want to wake up sometimes because the pain of waking up and repeating it all over again, I didn't want to, I was using against my will, but that's where it took me.

SPEAKER_02: 4:43

I've been working in drug services for eight years now, and sometimes conversations around you know celebrity and celebrity culture comes up and and addiction, and I suppose it's kind of like lifestyles of the rich and the famous, do you know? I guess. So when you talk about celebrity and celebrity culture, do you know it's oh well if they've got problems they can just check themselves into an expensive rehab and they can get the help they they deserve and the help they need. Our service users, because rehab and and you know, sending someone to a detox is so expensive, yeah. There's sort of I guess things they need to comply with in terms of they need to attend X amount of one-to-one appointments, X amount of groups to show a willingness and a level of preparation. So we're not just going to send somebody and they're gonna come back and be stressed.

SPEAKER_00: 5:24

Because some people do abuse the system and use it as a detox to then get back on it. And I know people like that.

SPEAKER_02: 5:29

What would you what would you say to people who look at someone like yourself and think, oh well, she'll have it easy because she's got friends who can help or she can afford to do this? What would your response be to those people?

SPEAKER_00: 5:40

I mean, it just so first of all, in my defence, I needed medical attention. So whether it was rehab or whether I was going to be admitted to hospital, it was either or for me. I was that ill, I was I was about to die, my my liver function was off the charts, my pancreas still doesn't work, I'm still suffering from that today. So I would have either been admitted to hospital or rehab, and that's where it took me. However, it rehab got me clean and got me understanding what I suffer from, but it didn't keep me sober. What keeps me sober is the rooms, my AA, my CA meetings, and my 12-step programme with my sponsor, my sponsees, you know, my 12 steps, that's what keeps you sober, and that is free, right? Absolutely. So I I I got yeah, I got clean in rehab, but I stay sober in the rooms. And I know the majority of the people that I that I now know in class is really good friends of mine in recovery get sober in the rooms. You don't have to need rehab or hospital attention. You know, a lot of people recognise it before we got to the point that I did, you know.

SPEAKER_02: 6:51

How have you found the 12-step programme? I found in terms of working services, there's a lot of ambivalence, and I and you know, you said yourself, you know, at one point you were praying to a to a god. That can often put people off. That sort of handing yourself over to a to a higher power, admitting you're powerless. How was that transition for you into a 12-step program? Was it did you have I mean, do you do you have any like religious beliefs?

SPEAKER_00: 7:12

Um no, no, not particularly. I don't. Um was that a barrier for you at all? It was it was a bit of a it it it's really difficult because I understand you when I saw the word God, I forgot that I prayed to God to kill me or help me, right? I forgot that then. So I was praying before I knew what I was gonna pray to. Does that make sense? But but as soon as I saw the word God, I was I I did switch off, I'm not gonna lie. But what I found was that when I stopped questioning what God is, then I found my higher power. What that is, I have no idea. My higher power, I don't know who or what it is, but I pray to a higher power every morning, and I pray for a clean and sober day. Because I used to pray to that same higher power before to help me help me get a vodka when the when when it was closed, the shops, or or to make oh please, please let nobody find me like this, you know. That was constant. So all I've done is shifted the way that I do my prayer and shift it to help me stay and remain sober. The 12 steps is actually something that anybody can apply to their lives. It's actually it's not a religious programme, it's a spiritual program. And I think we could all do with a bit of spirituality in our lives, whether it's meditation, come into one with nature, you know, a lot of that is a big part of it. It's about clearing your mind and and making, you know, putting one foot in front of each other and making the best decisions possible. I wasn't able to make my own decisions in addiction.

SPEAKER_01: 8:50

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